Ok, this is likely the longest "about" section on the entire internet, and marketing gurus would pull their hair seeing this...
But I decided to use this space to share with you some of the most valuable and life-changing lessons I've learned which have shed a lot of light for so many people already and I hope will do the same for you.
These are 30 naked-open TRUTHS about me & my life, about how I've failed & how I've grown.
Some of the truths will be quirky, some intimate. To some you will relate, at some you’ll laugh, some may be triggering and some you will judge.
Whatever it is, I want you to remember that any of these reactions will be a *projection of your own mind*. We can learn SO MUCH about ourselves by just noticing how we react to others.
My aim is to inspire you with my stories and lessons and apply them in your life, business, career or relationships.
And hopefully, they will serve you as the green light to desire more from your life and the courage to take the steps towards it.
If you’re up for authenticity splurge, keep scrolling & reading.
If not, share this page with those who you know will benefit from it ;)
FEEL FREE TO PICK WHAT POKES YOUR INTEREST OR BINGE IT ALL IN ONE GO ;)
1. Trying to **prove** my self-worth.
4. You can be an uber-achiever AND have emotions
5. I’d be dead scared to ask a question in a conference room.
6. Productivity hacks vs Inner work
7. Sometimes to lose weight you need to relearn how you tie your laces...
8. Discipline and patience are NOT my strengths. But I've got an alternative.
9. One of my main life's principles
10. Emotions are your hidden superpowers. Even the negative ones.
11. Wanting a glass of wine is ok. Needing one is a problem.
16. Ego wants to win the competition. Soul wants to thrive in its zone of genius.
17. When you don't know what you want
18. I can procrastinate. Big time. And I don’t like work that feels hard 🫣
19. I thought taking scary action makes you stronger and wiser. FALSE.
20. How inner work transforms outer results.
21. I used to believe that confidence meant showing up strong ALL.THE.TIME. But it's not.
22. The truth behind our desires.
24. Fulfilment is the byproduct of FOLLOWING your true desires.
26. These three words cancel your ability to solve a problem.
27. As a friend and as a coach... [Things to know about me]
28. An A-grades student, multiple educations, lucrative career…
29. Do you only celebrate when you pay a price for your wins?
30. The most important lesson learned.
[EXPOSED 1/30] Trying to **prove** my self-worth
A bit of my life story:
Born in Latvia [effectively in the Soviet Union at the time]. By blood Belarus, by birth Latvian, by language Russian, and lived in the UK (and now the US) for the largest part of my adulthood. I kinda never felt like I belonged to any particular culture…
The way you grow up, the different iterations of you, all the experiences, emotions, thoughts, people in your life - all that compounds into your system and shapes your identity.
For a larger part of my life, I had this unconscious need to prove myself. More certifications, long hours, comparison loop.
I wanted to be SEEN as more than an immigrant who came to earn a living.
I was so certain that through my achievements I was going to change and expand that identity of mine.
Of course, all the qualifications, fast promotions and pay rises changed me. I got more confident, proud and it seemed like I was ON IT
....on the outside...
On the inside, the “small” Irina was still overthinking, doubting herself and looking for validation.
My subconscious stored the same thinking patterns.
My nervous system had the same reactions to the ‘familiar cues’.
My emotional response remained the same.
The more ‘success’, the more responsibility you take - the harder it becomes for your ‘old identity’ to sustain it.
Result? The so much familiar stress… anxiety… emotional eating… burnout… lack of spark… low libido… you name it.
And here’s the LESSON I wish I INTERNALISED sooner.
Who you are isn’t determined by your achievements.
Rather, your achievements are determined by who you are.
Your success* is built upon your identity. [*Success in a holistic way -> not just career, business, money. But also all that life goodness that gives you genuine satisfaction & fulfilment.]
Things changed when I started focusing on the internal work FIRST (the INVISIBLE work) - New experiences, different people, bigger opportunities...
Which, frankly, were always there, I was just blind to it as I didn't see myself in that.
#Nobragging ;), but here I am - living in beautiful San francisco, travelling the world for at least 2 months a year, running my business helping other high-achievers do exactly that same internal work to start matching the reality with what they truly deserve.
~~~
Shifting your identity isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about amplifying who you already are under all the shadows of your past iterations.
I’m still Irina from small Latvia. I’m not perfect. I’m never going to be perfect. The old shadows are still showing up. And that's ok. I know there’s so much more to grow into and I'm so excited about what's coming!
So my reminder to you - stop looking out for the external evidence to prove your greatness. You're born with it.
What you want in life is already there. Making yourself available for it starts with turning inwards.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 2/30] People pleasing is like snacking. You know it ain’t good for you, but when it’s right in front of you, your resistance melts like butter on a hot toast.
Here's how it was showing up for me:
-saying 'yes' to things I didn’t want just not to disappoint SOMEONE.
-nodding to THEIR point of view to avoid conflict.
-getting swirled in a thought vortex like “what if THEY won’t like me/ think I’m a horrible person or something else that I’m not”.
-making choices based on what THEY think vs what I want.
Until I realised that so much focus on THEM had numbed my basic natural human ability to know what **I** wanted.
It was putting a big dark shadow on WHO I was.
If this sounds familiar, congrats & welcome to being a human ;)
Where does it come from?
It often starts when you hardly reach the elevator button.
Children are usually praised for doing what their parents are asking or expecting from them and get punished when not.
This is essentially how we learn to win acceptance and connection - by adapting to the standards and expectations of others.
So firstly, if you find yourself p-pleasing, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or lacking character. It simply means you’ve got a human brain ;)
~~~
Even though it generally has a negative connotation, there’s a flip side to it. The side which actually serves your success - as it did for me:
- I easily recognise the needs of others (sometimes better than they do themselves) and communicate with them from that place. It creates rapport and safety.
- I integrate and adapt easily in different groups.
- I don’t get into unnecessary conflicts. (more on that in another post)
And here’s the trick.
This positive side of the coin was exactly why I subconsciously was holding on to that pleaser identity. They were linked and bonded. Until I recognised they weren’t supposed to be anymore.
~~~
You've got to recognise those "hidden benefits" and ungroup. Find the fine balance and not cross the line.
Feel your feels carefully and listen to your gut. It will tell you when you’re going against your will. (don’t confuse it with the discomfort of saying ‘no’ in the beginning. It won’t be that easy and will pay off greatly)
**Your leadership elevates when you can communicate your needs and priorities to others with confidence and ease.
**PS. When you want to tap into your full power and elevate your success, being sunk in a hassle or burnedout are your worst enemies. The place to start the change isn’t a new morning routine or productivity tips. The best place to start is tuning inwards.
I coach my clients on how to do that so they create a permanent changes. Because learning how to do it is a lifelong skill and the key to a truly intentional life.
[EXPOSED 3/30] Making a leap of faith
My resignation email was on his laptop screen. His sarcastic grin and small murky eyes were covering me with layers of cement. The only part of me that was still moving was my racing heart.
“So you’re going travelling, huh? And then what?”
If in that moment I could take a sneak peek a few months into the future, I’d grinned back and walked out with my head high.
But I had no idea how it was going to play out.
I had no evidence this was the right decision.
Desire and fear were sparring like MMA fighters.
My head and my gut couldn’t come to terms.
Here’s the thing…
There’s never absolute 100% certainty in any decision you make.
There’s always at least a tiny pinch of risk as to how it’s going to roll out.
My uncertainty wasn’t tiny. It was screaming VERY loud.
It was wobbling my already fragile confidence and any “then what?” was like a scratch on an open wound. Hurtful and scary.
Frankly, I didn’t know whether I should’ve felt brave or stupid about my decision.
But there I was. Did it anyway. Stepped out and kept walking.
And never did I look back.
~~~
It’s been many moons ago, but it taught me a grand lesson to trust my vision, my priorities and make decisions for MYSELF.
Including moving countries, changing jobs, taking the 360 career turn and making big investments in my growth.
Don’t expect *them* to understand what you’re up to. They don’t have your brain. They don’t feel your gut. They can’t see the world through your eyes.
You’ve got to trust yourself and believe without seeing the evidence.
The most powerful decisions are made without prior evidence.
Without waiting for permission from others.
Without looking at what everyone else is doing.
Perhaps, they’re waiting for someone to make the first move and give them that permission. It can be you.
So the most supportive thing you can ever do is to surround yourself with people who inspire you, believe in you, see the potential in you that you don’t yet see yourself, and support you in pulling it out on the surface.
We make leaps when we TAKE leaps.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 4/30] You can be an uber-achiever AND have emotions (whaaat?!).
It’s ok to be a top-notch professional AND giggle at silly jokes with your girlfriends.
It’s ok to be an expert in strategies or numbers AND be spiritual and listen to intuition.
It’s ok to “have it all” AND want more.
It’s ok to be a leader AND make mistakes.
It’s ok to be confident AND ask for help.
It’s ok to be on cloud 9 in one moment AND drop the balls in the next.
Norms are made up.
You can hold dualities. It’s not a lack of character or weakness.
Allowing yourself to be the full spectrum takes you much further.
I paid a lot of time, money and effort to learn this. Take this for free ;)
And here’s the question for you to think on:
Who were you before they told you who you were supposed to be?
[EXPOSED 5/30] I’d be dead scared to ask a question in a conference room. Let alone share my view.
What if I say something wrong? Silly? Unrelated?
And then damn it! someone says exactly what you wanted to say.. so frustrating, right? 😅
Jokes apart, here’s what I learned.
Before they react - how you THINK they will react has more to do with you and your stories, your ego, and your thoughts about yourself.
Your thoughts and emotions around their reaction are the mirror of your inner identity and are actually the perfect opportunity to look inside:
Where do I believe this can possibly be true?
For me - I was so afraid that they’d think I was silly because part of me believed it could be true.
Your nervous system stores shadows which likely hold no evidence or truth at all. It can start from e.g.:
. a small thought or situation that happened a long time ago you can't even remember.
. a meaning your little mind created when you could still walk underneith the table.
So I had to ask myself the very honest question and face the [frankly] very unpleasant answer.
Then I challenged that answer with my rational mind. Is that ACTUALLY true?
The truth is - you know you’re not stupid. You’re smart, sensible, intelligent and your results had proven that over and over again.
And it's just so unfair that you cannot showcase it fully when you get the opportunity!
Here's the main lesson: focusing on their reaction = giving the power away to them to determine your self-worth and your growth.
You’re inherently worthy.
Anything external that seems to undermine that - is an opportunity for you to look inside and uncover that hidden unhelpful shadow.
The more you uncover those and build on a strong self-trust - the more invincible you become 🦹🏼
And btw... the best thing that can actually happen to you - is to actually get that “bad” reaction that you’re so fearful of.
To a) realise that you’re still alive and b) build on the muscle to NOT make it mean anything about you.
P.S. If you feel called to explore what may be holding you back from shining your full potential and how to overcome that - I invite you to do this challenge here.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 6/30] Productivity hacks vs inner work
I don’t believe in productivityhacks alone. I believe in reconstructing your self-concept and the way you think about yourself inside-out.
If anyone tells you that in order to create the lifestyle you want, you need to change your morning routine or get a cool scheduling app, I suggest you challenge that idea.
Because when you decide to REALLY upgrade the quality of your life, no matter how much you desire it, you’ll be faced with a lot of internal resistance.
Excuses. Doubts. Procrastination. Overthinking. Self-critisism. Frustration. Even blame and anger.
This resistance is effectively your brain protesting the change and your ego not wanting to face its darkest secrets.
This is where you’ve got to have the guts to uncover, admit and face the not-so-sexy truths.
This is where you exercise your courage and resilience against your own ego.
It’s not for the faint of hearts and that’s why not everyone gets what they want in life.
~~~
When I started my business I thought it was all about doing the right things and being productive. That way I’d have more freedom and more money.
But it turned out to be very. very. very different.
The work goes much deeper than that.
When all that stuff shows up from the depths of your mind - you've got to clean it up.
You’ve got to uncover, admit, process and let go.
You literally have to transform your self-identity inside out to get that external upgrade.
Then you can start applying productivity hacks.
If needed.
Because chances are, just like I did and my clients do - you’ll find yourself doing more in less time.
- because you TRUST yourself 1000% more,
- because you teach your nervous system to move through the discomfort & loosen the resistance,
- because your 'new' identity helps you make better choices throughout the day.
There's no instruction manual so it's not that easy to apply - but it’s true, and people don’t talk about it enough.
Because people prefer to buy (and sell) the “exact action steps” rather than a trip through a poo-poo land.
Everyone wants to have more fulfilment, money, connection, love in their lives. But not everyone is willing to do the uncomfortable work.
Admittedly, I had bought into the idea that I could hack my way through. And I’m so grateful that I then chose to move through that unwanted discomfort.
I still go through it. It never stops unless you quit your growth.
The first time is more painful. Then you learn how to navigate and start having FUN with it.
If you’re up for the raw truth about what it takes to upgrade the quality of your life along with the results in your business/job, keep reading.
If you’re only looking for productivity tips and do’s & don'ts, I don’t think you’ll like what's coming next.
Much love,
Irina
Photo - with the most important women in my life ♥️ NY 2018
[EXPOSED 7/30] Sometimes to lose weight you need to relearn how you tie your laces...
This is not about weight loss, but here’s what I mean.
When I started my career in finance I thought it was the greatest corporate career ever.
Then I realised not everyone thinks the same. Lol.:)
So I started trying to validate my choice to those who thought it was boring or else.
When I started coaching I thought there was no better experience in life than being coached. (and I still think so!)
To my surprise later on - not everyone was on the same page! :)
So my brain started focusing on people who weren’t getting what I was doing.
...I started overexplaining.
...trying to convince.
...proving it’s valid.
Now…
Tracking back to how it was showing up in other parts of life:
✖️Waiting for others to speak first to make sure I’d fit in.
✖️Coming up with excuses instead of just saying I simply didn’t want to go out.
✖️Felt like I needed to explain why I eat a salad instead of pizza.
Essentially, I was trying to get my choices validated by the entire world.
~~~
There maybe 1% of people who get you and 99% who don’t.
When you focus on the 99% you start doubting yourself. You start looking at what others in your industry do. You feel you’re doing something wrong. You get distracted by shiny objects. You buzz in your career/business like a hummingbird from flower to flower.
It's not easy, but.... you’ve got to spend 99% of your time focusing on the 1%. Bc the rest is noise.
Your brain will want to do the opposite. But you’ve got to trick your brain - block that noise and refocus on your vision.
~~~
👉🏼 And here’s the main lesson:
The problem isn’t always in the area where the symptom shows up.
When you draw the parallels you see how your self-concept shows up in ALL parts of your life - your relationships, your business, your work, even the food you eat and other micro choices you make every day.
When you feel stuck in your business or work - look outside the ring. Where else does it show up? You might want to start from there.
P.S. If you want some guidance on how to find these parallels, I’ve got an incredible tool for you. This mind-shifting tool will show how you can start upgrading the results you get at work, in business and in other areas of life almost instantly (i mean it!).
[EXPOSED 8/30] Discipline and patience aren't my strengths. But I've got an alternative.
Did you know who you wanted to become when you’d grow up?
I did.
An actress.
Then a dancer
Then a cosmobiologist (does it even exist?! :) )
Then a doctor
And even a lorry driver (I still love giant vehicles!)
So… I’ve been indecisive a.f. from the early days.
Some call it multi-passionate.
Recently my friend called it a hummingbird jetting from flower to flower. (I like that one)
If you really knew me, you would’ve seen me eye-drilling a lunch menu for 20 min changing my mind about the salad option for the 21st time.
Although, many people think that it's’ quite the opposite because I’ve taken many big leaps in life.
To make a decision about a big change in life can be hard, yes.
To follow through and keep moving through the fire of stumbles, doubts, and fear on the way - is actually way tougher.
Your mind starts wondering whether the choice was right and you start glancing at other flowers.
But the problem isn’t in the flower.
The problem for me was in the words discipline and patience.
They make me cringe. They make many people cringe.
But the personal development world tells you that you’ve got to persevere and endure, don't they?
And this is where I believe it falls short…
"Perseverance" and "endurance" PRESUPPOSE that it HAS to be tough. That you’ll HAVE to suffer along the way.
It essentially puts you in a place of lack. You’re not complete until you reach your destination.
Moving forward from that place is tough indeed.
And here’s the key to the Pandora box.
Ready?
⚡️When you want something from the place of lack, seeing it as a missing piece which will complete the jigsaw of your happiness - that's where discipline and patience seem intolerable.
⚡️When you realise that your desires are an extension of who you [truly] are and achieving your next goal is an ADD-ON to your happiness (NOT the missing piece) - then discipline and patience turn into a natural habit and an enjoyable ride.
This is how you bypass exhaustion and quitting.
This is how you get your results sooner (tried and tested many times over!).
This is how you reach your ACTUAL destination - which I'm pretty sure is related to happiness.
I’m not saying you’re never going to stumble and get hurt.
But remember - pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
Whether you’re multi- or single-passionate -
The only REAL tough part is - facing and letting go of your ego which clings to the idea that you’re not enough until you get “there”.
[EXPOSED 9/30] One of my big life's PRINCIPLES:
If it’s not fun, then what’s the point?!
Are you with me on that? 🥳
[EXPOSED 10/30] Emotions are your hidden superpowers. Even the negative ones.
Being strong is cool.
You can move through hurdles & failures, ignore offenders, rise from the ashes and keep moving.
There’s clearly a great OUTCOME of being strong.
But what’s the PROCESS behind it?
I was learning how to be strong from the success stories and superhero kind of people.
Being strong to me meant tucking the emotions in and keeping moving.
There’s no place & no time for the feels...
Fear - not supposed to have that.
Vulnerability - for the weak.
Sadness - don’t be ungrateful.
Shame - pretend it’s not there.
Even the positive ones -
Pride & Celebration - too early, stay humble.
Excitement - careful, what if expectations won't be met.
Good or bad, the ego wants to suppress your emotions.
Why?
Because emotions drive our actions.
And if the emotion spirals you down it kills the action.
If it spirals you up too high, you’re afraid to get disappointed.
Emotions have enormous superpowers. And they can be your friends or they can be your foes.
⚪️ If you ignore, suppress and conquer them - they’ll play against you.
⚪️ When you accept, befriend and learn how to be in a relationship with them - they become your loyal supporters.
We spend most of our lifetime learning how to DO, but not how to FEEL.
But without knowing how to FEEL, doing can only take you that far.
Bc at some point the little nubbin of ignored emotions can turn your hard-earned ‘success’ into an abyss of dissatisfaction with life.
I was nearly there.
On the flip side, when you master your relationships with your emotions and learn how to cultivate more of that what lifts you up, you become a magnet for goodness & opportunities.
It took me years to figure this out:
🔔 Just like pain is a symptom and indicates you need a health checkup, a negative emotion indicates that you need an internal audit of your mind.
===
Mastering your emotions is arguably the most important skill you can ever learn.
That’s the vessel that holds courage.
[EXPOSED 11/30] Wanting a glass of wine is ok. Needing one is a problem.
FULL comfort in your skin holds no space for addiction to 'how they see you'.
Living your best life, feeling grounded, certain, successful and fulfilled - means being YOU 150%.
I don't say it lightly.
I knew that intellectually, as, I’m sure you do too. But I couldn’t internalise that. Like swallowing it and keeping it in my veins.
So I was a woman of half-board.
- confident but not too straightforward.
- authentic but altered based on reaction.
- waiting for others to go first.
- achieving to be recognised
- knowing her worth yet craving approval.
Addiction isn't easy to admit.
It's humiliating. It feels disempowering.
But only until you decide to face it. With courage.
- feeling the feels and taking the action, saying the words ANYWAY…
- trusting that uniqueness makes the real difference.
- remembering that they spend much less (if any) time thinking about you than you imagine.
- what you imagine they think - is the mirror of your own thoughts about yourself.
The last one IS THE KEY and an incredible way to check on your own image of self.
~~~
I want to be liked. But I don't need it.
The only person you NEED to be liked (and loved) by is YOU.
Because you’re your main asset.
When you make this a priority, life gets lighter, taking action becomes easier, growth turns exponential, creativity tap opens up.
Plus they enjoy being around you more because you give them permission to be themselves, too. ;)
And if you have kids, guess what? They learn from you how to appreciate SELF.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 12/30] Realistic - is a projection of your thoughts.
I could think that doubling my corp income in a next job wasn’t realistic.
I could think that finding a way to create the freedom to travel and work on my own schedule was not realistic.
I could think that moving across the ocean and looking at my fav bridge (yes, yes, I love bridges!!) from my window every day was non-realistic.
I could think that making money by helping others make more money, freedom and happiness was unrealistic for me.
I totally could but I chose not to.
Did I set any of these as goals?
No.
Goals are different from desires.
I hold the desire.
I've unsubscribed from the collective thinking of what's realistic.
I do not make any pitfalls mean anything but the part of the journey.
I do not try to control the circumstances.
The only thing I guard and protect like a precious sacred jewel - every single day - is MY DESIRE AND MY THOUGHTS ON HOW REALISTIC IT IS.
Your outer results mirror your innermost world.
Always. No exception.
You can’t control the circumstances but you can control your results in these circumstances.
All the things you think about yourself are optional.
I used to think that who I’ve come into this world is a done deal.
But it’s not.
You get to decide who you are and what you believe about yourself.
This changes your thoughts.
Your thoughts create your whole life.
~~~
Your desires might be nothing like mine, but the same principles apply.
I'm not someone who's got it all. The more I learn the more I realise how little I know.
But I want to show you an example of what’s possible.
I want your desires to fuel your being.
I want to increase the number of people living fulfilling life and smiling from the heart.
Because the tools are available to EVERYONE.
[EXPOSED 13/30] I had to learn the skill of making decisions - quickly.
I’ve spent a big chunk of my lifetime (compound) between yes’s and no’s.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
“Not knowing what you want” - is the avoidance of making a decision.
Indecision - is the avoidance of responsibility.
Deep inside you ALWAYS know the answer.
When you doubt, you negotiate with your desires.
Your desires know. But your brain, your logic, your past iterations of self want to negotiate.
I’m still learning, but I tell you what - it’s a skill that needs practice. It starts with utter self-trust and radical responsibility.
Who ELSE if not you? ;)
[EXPOSED 14/30] Years of trial and error on keeping own promises.
Have you been here? --> Read a super motivating article on Monday and feel inspired to stop snacking. By Thursday found yourself sticking your nose into the snack cabinet.
Your brain says it’s ok just once.
You agree.
You feel guilt.
You beat yourself up.
You promise you’re going to do better tomorrow.
Rinse. Repeat.
I’ve done this. Many times over. Most people around you and I do it.
Snacking is an example, but the way we do one thing is the way we do everything.
The problem is not the snack. And not even the broken promise.
The problem is that every time you don’t deliver on your own promise - you create mistrust in yourself.
Just like you’d lose trust in your friend who consistently doesn’t show up for your coffee dates.
The no-show becomes the norm.
So already when you made the promise on Monday, that tiny annoying voice was whispering you aren’t going to follow through.
[And here I hear my dad’s voice: “Losing trust is easy. Rebuilding it can take years”. Well, maybe not THAT dramatic :) ]
Here’s what I found as the most effective way to rebuild this trust:
#1. Start from tiny promises. Day after day. Train yourself to trust yourself. Better deliver on a small one than break a big one.
#2. Stop beating yourself up for not delivering. Guilt is a silent little monster which makes things way more complicated.
Put ONE thing on the calendar for tomorrow and DO IT :)
- first and foremost to build the TRUST. Everything else is a bonus.
[EXPOSED 15/30] Often in the pursuit of a goal, we forget what we pursue it for.
The “for” is usually the feeling we want to experience when we get there. Be it a sense of pride or freedom or accomplishment or harmony.
(read this once again👆)
The process of pursuing often turns into hustle and race and we forget the "for" part and more importantly, that these feelings are actually born on the inside.
When you are in control of your mind, emotions and feelings, when you are intentional about your everyday choices, you can cultivate those desired feelings without the changes on the outside.
You still pursue.
But the ride gets easier.
The timeline collapses.
The flow almost takes you there itself.
Achievements and results after that are a pleasant bonus.
Bonus is not something you're desperate about, bonus is a pleasant expected surprise that comes as a reward for doing the work.
P.S. This cost me a lot of sad days until I learned how to master my emotions and feelings. You can learn it in this training here.
[EXPOSED 16/30] Ego wants to win the competition. Soul wants to thrive in its zone of genius.
At school, I was among the best pupils. (hello parents’ expectations)
Yes. One of those who always got A+ [or equivalent].
Frankly, I was getting A’s when I’d deserved it, and even when I didn't really (biased opinion 🤷♀️)
So the habit my ego developed - was to always be best.
..If I wasn't the best, my ego would pull me down into a perfection trap.
..When it got too hard, I'd started seeking the exit door.
..If there wasn't an exit door, I just wanted to hide like a turtle in its shell.
Nothing wrong with mastering your skills and striving for being better.
But when it comes from the place of insecurity, it ain't healthy.
Superiority is a perception.
Every human is a piece of a puzzle and has their own place in the full picture.
When you befriend your ego and come to terms with being YOURSELF, focus on your own gifts and strengths, and know your zone of genius - you step into #exponentialgrowth.
THEY are different pieces of a puzzle with their unique shapes, loops and holes, and THEIR places in the jigsaw.
The less you focus on the other pieces, the quicker you find YOUR place.
They’ve got what you don’t and you’ve got what they don’t.
Exchange. Mutual support. Compound input.
- the prerequisite for a healthy economy. and a wildly delightful life ;)
[EXPOSED 17/30] When you don't know what you want
The lesson I'm still learning and practising 👉🏼
Isn't meant to be always easy.
[EXPOSED 18/30] I can procrastinate. Big time. And I don’t like doing work that feels hard. 🫣
When it FEELS hard it’s really hard to take the action. Even more so - it’s hard to stick to it.
So you quit. Well... I often do (or did rather).
As much as you want to lose weight or have that business up and running, if you keep PUSHING through it, it will always feel like you’re sailing against the wind.
If you’re like me - I want to share with you my secret weapon.
If we worked together or you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m not the type of coach who would give you a productivity hack or a morning routine or a killer goal-setting tool to follow.
I truly believe that one size doesn’t fit all. Be it building your business, getting a promotion, or getting fit.
I DO know for a fact though, that a shortcut to achieving your goals is never through doing more or working harder.
I’m sure you know it too.
You’ve likely found your way to work “smarter”, you’ve achieved success to be proud of, you’ve hit and exceeded your goals.
Now you want to go beyond 'smarter' and create more flow, more ease, more fun.
It’s the time to shortcut the timeline and upgrade your results beyond the expected next step.
💡Just like Dana tripled her monthly business revenue goal while we worked together.
💡Just like Hana got a dream job offer in our first weeks of coaching.
💡Just like Nick took a leap of faith and created a freedom and stress-free lifestyle in a matter of a few months.
Working 'smarter' will still get you relatively incremental and expected results.
THIS goes beyond traditional mindset and habit creation.
Shaping your thoughts about yourself, knowing how to navigate your emotions, elevating your state of BEing and matching it with the results you want to create.
This training will show you exactly how you can do it for yourself and what you need to shift to be able to upgrade your results with ease - be it losing weight or tripling your income.
It collapses the time.
It helps you bypass the obstacles.
It creates fun in the process.
Grab your pen and paper and dive in!
[EXPOSED 19/30] I thought taking scary action makes you stronger and wiser. False.
⚡️When what you fear so much actually happens and you realise you're still alive -
>>> that's what makes you wiser.
⚡️When you do the damn scary thing, and it doesn't create the results.
And you know you’ve got to do it again.
And again. And again.
Until it works.
And you do.
>>> that's what makes you stronger.
Boom 💣 😁
[EXPOSED 20/30] How inner work transform outer results
I remember preparing for my ACCA (chartered accountancy) exams while having hundreds of tabs opened on my laptop with articles, videos and researches about the power of mind, quantum physics, subconscious mind, neuroscience and all things brain.
I felt like that kid who wants to go out and play but has to stay home and do his homework.
Little I knew where it would take me.
At the time I didn't even know that coaching as a career was a thing.
To me, it was the Tony-Robbins-kind-of-people preaching and inspiring from big stages.
Fast forward a few years - here I am...
Still infinitely curious about how people are wired and fascinated by how inner work can transform outer results.
I help people literally see their own brain and shift internal blocks which are locking the powerful potential they hold inside.
Helping other amazing leaders and entrepreneurs master their minds to create their own success, emotional freedom, more money, new opportunities, courage, ease, fulfilment.
Years of learning different modalities from some of the best minds in the world of self-development, and practicing different coaching approaches, neuroscience, somatics, neuro-linguistic programming, hypnotherapy and other;
having to face and deal with my own saboteurs and applying all the knowledge in practice every day for myself -
I’ve refined a unique approach of diving deep into patterns that have shaped you, helping you slay your self-doubt and embody the most confident version of you.
...to create your version of success, in a way that’s nourishing, enriching and feels delicious in all parts of your life.
The most humbling thing is that the more I learn the more I realise how little I know.
But the great thing is - it can be pretty simple.
[EXPOSED 21/30] I used to believe that confidence meant showing up strong ALL.THE.TIME. Like all or nothing kind of thing.
So every time I'd feel insecure, unsure, or fearful - I’d question my confidence.
But I've learned that you can be a powerful leader or a 6-7 figure business owner, and still doubt yourself at times, feel stuck and over-worry.
I mean.. who hasn’t bought into the idea that status or money would solve all the problems and get you emotional freedom?!
Emotional freedom starts with self-acceptance, humility and curiosity. Allowing yourself to hold the dualities.
🥕Unsure yet determined
🥕Fearful yet decided
🥕Nervous yet holding onto your self-worth
🥕Jealous yet inspired
We’ve got the rainbow of emotions for a reason.
Including the unpleasant ones.
You can use it against yourself - dwell and create unhelpful STORIES.
Or you can use it to check with yourself which pain button it has pushed and which unhealed scratches need your attention.
[EXPOSED 22/30] The truth behind our desires
I’ve got a question for you…
When you set your goals - career business or personal.
Do you ask yourself WHY you want what you aim for?
I mean… not just “it would be great to have that”. Or “they have that - it seems cool”.
But the actual true reason why YOU want it.
I have to say, I didn’t always do that.
But when I started digging a bit deeper - the answer was mostly ‘freedom’.
Be it financial, time-wise, location-wise, choice-wise.
And I’ll be honest, it’s not easy to admit that when you’ve gotten what you ‘wanted’, you still feel a like a big piece is missing from the puzzle.
So... turned out that the freedom I was craving - was that in my mind. Freedom that no new place or surrounding on its own can give you.
It's the freedom from
🍏 overthinking the past and overworrying about the future.
🍏 the never fully satisfied internal critic.
🍏 “what if I can’t deliver on my commitments”.
🍏 the fear to upset somebody.
🍏 constantly *trying* to impress.
You maybe thinking you need more time in a day or a different job.
Maybe you need to change the city where you live.
Or maybe that dream relationship is going to make you happier?
Or you need to get another business course to learn better systems.
Changing external things can be pretty awesome - I certainly don’t deny that!
But chances are, you’ll be coming back to the same loop of emotions. Because external changes don’t necessarily change our thinking or emotional patterns.
So here’s a tip for you - When you set your goals, be it money to earn or inches to lose, check-in
a) whether they come from your true desires or fictitious expectations and
b) ask yourself WHY do you want it?
I bet there’s a deep craving for an emotional state that you want to create. Be it's confidence, freedom, feeling loved or accepted. Or feel like you’re on top of the world.:)
When you find the desire on the inside and realise that your emotional state is a byproduct of your thoughts - it’s much easier to create the results on the outside.
When you attach your emotional state to external conditions, you’ll always be dependent on that external thing and perpetuate the chase.
So chances are, you don't need to change your career or business niche, move to the other side of the world or take a year sabbatical meditating in Bali. (You may still do it but rather to complement your joy rather than seeking it)
...consider hiring a coach instead ;)
[EXPOSED 23/30] Jealousy 😯
No, not the romantic one.
I mean the one you feel when you see them having what you want.
It has adopted such a negative narrative that we are so afraid to admit it even to ourselves.
Well, here I am, telling you that I DO sometimes feel jealous, too.
🍋 When I see someone having results in their business I don't have yet.
🍋 When someone's buying a house I'd love to live in.
🍋 When someone's going on an adventure I'd love to be on.
And so your body is kind of feeling it but your brain wants to cancel it because you think it's not right.
So let's get that straight - jealousy DOES NOT mean being malicious towards others. It simply means that you WANT something that you don't have. YET.
And just like any other feeling or emotion, it starts with what's in your HEAD.
So next time when someone's telling you they've lost 10lb in 3 weeks or "complain" that they've ONLY made 50k (or whatever k) last month in their business - which is above and beyond what you dream of - consider doing this:
First of all - allow admitting the damn thing to yourself.
You don’t need to broadcast it to the world (like I do 😂). Just agree that that’s what you’re experiencing. Remember, what you resist - persists.
Then decide what you want this feeling to MEAN.
❌ that you’re a bad person bc you feel what you feel
❌ that you’re less smart/talented/lucky than them
❌ that you’re too far behind
❌ they’ve got that *something* that you don’t
Or.....
✅ that what you want IS possible and totally achievable
✅ that what you see is a sign that it’s already close to you
✅ that it’s a chance for you to see it’s EVERYWHERE and is available to you too.
I should warn you though - your subconscious mind will try hard to prove you wrong.
Because all it knows - is what it’s seen and experienced so far. Which is your past. And anything that doesn’t have the evidence yet - it sees as nonsense.
Your subconscious mind is much more powerful than your logical and conscious thinking. It’s driving 95% of your results whether you’re aware of it or not.
It’s like an internal compass which navigates where you’re going. All day every day.
Battling that navigator on your own is like driving with your eyes closed.
Imagine if you could reprogramme that navigator to take you exactly where you want to be. With EASE. Based on your VISION of the future, not the known past.
If you want to explore what it would look like for you, I invite you to schedule a consultation with me.
I’ll help you figure out what exactly is holding you back from releasing that powerful dragon you’re holding inside. And if it feels like a good fit, I’ll tell you more about my work and how I may come in and support you.
💎🙃
[EXPOSED 24/30] I’m sure you’ve heard this - it’s a cliche for a reason. But it took me more than 30 years to drop it in.
Fulfilment - doesn’t necessarily come with achieving your goals, but rather when you FOLLOW your true desires.
Fulfilment is the process, not the end goal.
Because your desires define who you TRULY are.
Your [human] task is to pursue those desires to come back to your true self.
It isn’t about becoming someone you are not. It’s about maximising who you already are.
[EXPOSED 25/30] How you hold yourself matters.
How you’re holding the space for your human when thighs seem to crumble - matters the most.
Achieving your results isn’t about HOW you do it.
It’s about WHO you’re being when you’re doing it.
What do you believe about yourself - not just when things are going ok, but when things don’t turn out the way you want.
...When you don’t get the promotion along with your peers.
...When you don’t see the desired figures on the scales or in your bank account.
...When you get the 11th “no” in a row from a prospect.
This is where your confidence and your self-worth undergo the real test.
I mean, when sh*t hits the fan, we’ve got no choice - we go through it.
But how you decide to see the problem is almost a prediction of how this problem will affect you.
You might be forgetful and even totally blind to your own strengths.
Have someone by your side to remind you about it.
And don’t deny when they say you’re amazing! ;)
===
It's the lesson I often need to remind myself of. I hope it'll be a great reminder to you too today. 😉
===
Pic. with my most incredible supporter, best friend and sister as it happened to be :) ♥️
[EXPOSED 26/30] These three words cancel your ability to solve a problem.
They give you a pseudo excuse that supports your brain in hiding away and saving calories for your survival.
These words are in fact the *avoidance of responsibility* in disguise.
These three words are “I don’t know”.
I stopped saying these words when it comes to any results that I want to create in my life.
Here's why.
Bc when I allow them into my brain, it’s not only frustrating, it makes me feel stuck.
When I'm frustrated and stuck, I get into self-pity and lose creativity. Doing anything seems like an amateur swim against the current.
Then in ‘hope’ to find the answers, I start asking others, as if someone or something outside me has the solution.
But here’s what I learned…
deep inside you always know.
You’re just scared to face the truth because very likely it means that you need to take a scary or uncomfortable action.
Maybe it means that you need to change the way you behave, go against the crowd or simply take responsibility for making a bold decision (bc what if it turns out wrong?!)
“I don’t know” is not a fact. It’s a state of mind.
I mean, if you don’t know how to build a rocket ship, it is of course a legit truth.
But when it comes to your goals or a problem that you want to solve - every time you tell yourself these three words - you’re allowing your brain to go lazy.
Literally, this is how it speaks to your subconscious mind!
And no matter how much you want to move forward, it will keep you exactly where you are.
You might be thinking “but Irina, I truly don't know how to scale my business without doing more than I do already”. Or “I’ve no idea how to find the time to exercise when I’ve got so much on my plate”. Or “I genuinely don’t know anymore what to do with this relationship”.
But I tell you what, “I don’t know” is just a thought in your smart head.
Notice how often you say to yourself “i don’t know”.
And pay attention to how you feel when you think that?
Stuck, frustrated, powerless…?
That’s not a state in which you take massive actions and create results, right?
Here’s how you birth resourcefulness and find the answers in your own brain:
🥕Start with
“”“What’s the end outcome I want to achieve?”””
🥕Then swap “idk” with
“””How can I figure this out?””” or
“””If I did know, what would that be?”””
Notice how THAT makes you FEEL?
Uplifted, energised, inspired? See the light at the end of the tunnel?
And here’s to dig up deeper for a truth bomb:
“”“What am I trying to avoid by not knowing?”””
Chances are, The Big Answer lies in the last question 😉
[EXPOSED 27/30] As a friend and as a coach... [Things to know about me]
When we meet for a coffee or a coaching session - here’s what I need you to know.
I will challenge all your stories about why you’re not able to create the results in your life you’ve been craving.
🔗 I won’t buy that you’re ‘just not that type of person’.
🔗 That you’ve had a tough upbringing.
🔗 That your star sign or personality type test show you’re not made for it.
🔗 That it’s too late for you or too early.
And whatever other excuse your brain comes up with.
Because I know for a fact that a smart, sensible, hardworking and ambitious person like you is meant for not just epic success, but also a life that feels delicious in all areas.
You’ll literally see my best poker face when I hear
😶 I don’t have enough time
😶 I’ve no enough experience
😶 I’m already too overwhelmed
😶 There’s no other way.
Because I know for a fact that all the above is just a habit of thinking.
And that’s ok. Because it truly isn’t that easy to see your own habits built over many years. (I still get to jaw-drop from mines!)
But here’s the thing…
The same way your ambitious thinking has led you to create the success you’ve got already, it will lead you to create more of it and the other stuff you want in life.
The only thing you need to do is to identify and get rid of those weeds (like the above ones) and start choosing better thoughts that will shape up your lifestyle, light up your inner state, help you master your emotions, and cultivate the brave, free, certain and cool inner state that you’re longing to live in.
Remember, you’ve got full control over your thoughts and hence the creation of your results. You decide who you want to be, how you want to behave and how you want to feel at any given moment.
So it’s time to get those weeds out of your garden and start focusing on what’s waiting for you on the other side.
💫 The relationships you have when your head isn’t overdosed with problem-solving
💫 The time you gain when you stop swinging in indecision
💫 The results you get when you stop procrastinating or doubting yourself
💫 The opportunities you receive when you show up with unshakeable confidence
💫 The body you have when you stop eating away your stress.
You've got the key, my friend. Don't hide it in your pocket!💎🙃
[EXPOSED 28/30] An A-grades student, multiple educations, lucrative career…
As it often goes, most people think that you’ve had it all come easy because you’re “smart”.
But the truth is, being a high achiever and an introvert at the same time kinda demands double effort...
I could never “sell” myself by being the loudest in the room or building a massive network.
I had to work extra hard to get noticed and heard. Collecting the evidence of the results.
And I know you’ll hear me on that -
When you’ve earned respect, it’s certainly a great feeling of pride in your chest. But with this pride comes a pretty disturbing fear of losing it, too.
So there I was - afraid to drop the title of being ‘smart’ - too critical of myself and spent too much of my precious time worrying about what they thought.
I’d over-worry about making a mistake and thus it would take me twice as long to complete anything (hello perfectionists)
I’d always feel that it must be my fault when something went wrong, even if it had nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Yes, it got me great jobs, good money and respect, but turned the spark into a wild fire and was burning me on the inside.
When enough is enough you’ve got to make a choice.
The choice to focus on the truth you know about yourself vs focus on the opinion the rest of the world holds about you.
💎I chose to own my truth.
💎Knowing who i am and have my back no matter what.
💎Choosing my opinion about myself before anyone else’s.
Then I decided to give myself full permission to fail.
⚡️Make mistakes, screw up and not reach my goals.
⚡️Let their opinion be their projection.
⚡️Open the doors to all the feels that come along the way - fear, disappointment, humiliation.
***When you want bigger wins - you’ve got to make yourself available for bigger losses, too.***
Quitting corporate, travelling, solo starting my own business, opening up my brain and soul to the public... I’ll never be able to control your opinion. But I’m very clear on my truth.
Remember what YOU know about yourself. Have your own back. And watch the show unfold ;)
The right people will see it and will respect you for it even more.
You’ve got it! ;)
[EXPOSED 29/30] Do you only celebrate when you pay a price for your wins?
With a “work hard - persevere - endure” mentality, I used to be blind to anything that came my way in an “easy” way.
👀 Waiting for the catch if it felt too easy.
👀 When the man I was dating seemed too good to be true.
👀 When their “big thank you” felt too much just because it truly was my pleasure or it took me no time.
One of the most stubborn gremlins of the human mind is the addiction to a struggle.
Most of us have it to some extent [subconsciously of course]. It’s usually so deeply ingrained that it can be tricky to spot it.
We grow up with “Good things don’t come easy” ... “Everything has a price” ... ”No pain no gain”.
And although there’s certainly truth to it, it’s **not the only truth**. Would you agree?
And yet, being deeply seeded in your subconscious, it makes your brain focus on the hardship most of the time while discounting anything that comes without a struggle.
And that, my friend, can be pretty poisonous.
Because your subconscious mind is very diligent.
It always diligently seeks what it believes in.
👉🏼 If you believe that good things only come through struggle, it will always lead you to the situations where you do.
👉🏼 If you only appreciate the things that come through hard work, you’ll always feel that you have to work hard to get what you want.
It took me a while to rewire this programme, and I still sometimes fall into that old pattern.
Here’s what i want to remind you today:
what you appreciate - appreciates,
pay attention to those quick & easy wins,
celebrate yours and theirs.
Ask yourself “how can I make it feel easy?”
99% of the time “hard” is not a fact. It’s a state of mind.
Photo: as I was writing this one actually. the fluffy friend is my sister's ;)
Alright… [EXPOSED 30/30]
It’s easy to forget that behind every post on soc media, same as behind every business, title or position - there is a whole HUMAN - with their unique soul, emotions, feelings, experiences, stories, failures & wins, struggles & celebrations.
Removing the shield and opening this all up can make you feel totally inadequate. But it turned out to be another major lesson I learned and want to share with you.
The “exposed” kind of posts go beyond social media content.
It becomes the way of thinking, speaking and conversing in your 3d life, too.
And yes, it builds up the confidence to show up as you are. Real. With all the goods bads and uglies.
But the most important about exposing your truth-
***It helps YOU define who you are - for your own self.***
The thing is, we often mesh up our thoughts, feels and emotions in our heads.
Top it up with the external opinions and views and no wonder why it often ends up in “i don’t even know who i am” or the never-ending “searching for myself”.
The raw truth, and especially ***putting it in sentences*** - on a paper or google doc - tidies up that mesh in your head and puts things into perspective.
[I invite you to try it out - journal is your friend]
I have to warn you though.
This process has consequences.
And that’s the very reason why people often aren’t ready for it.
The uncovered ‘true’ version of you will imply changes.
Including different behaviours, an upgraded set of boundaries, and redefined principles.
It may shock, upset and repel someone.
Not everyone will be willing to welcome the new/true you.
It’s inevitable, so you’ve got to be prepared for it.
It doesn’t mean you need to cut ties with people immediately.
When I coach my clients I help them prepare for the “revelation hangovers” and smooth the process of the changing relationship dynamics.
But guess what. there’s a beautiful place on the other side of all this -
🥕You get to stay surrounded only by genuinely YOUR people, repel those who aren’t meant to be in your life and attract more of those who inspire and uplift you.
Elevating your standards, and shifting your self-concept to go bigger or wider is easier when you start from the place of knowing and accepting yourself deeply.
🥕 Because you stop comparing yourself to others and all your focus goes to your own unique pathway.
🥕 You’re no longer afraid of your emotions and they don’t get in your way.
It doesn’t make you better than others. It makes you best of who you are. It takes you back to the person you were born to be. Not the one you *learnt* you had to become.
🥕And counterintuitively, you actually become more interested in and attentive towards others. Because your head is no longer occupied with the worries, concerns and doubts about yourself.
That, my friend, is called freedom ;)
With lots of love,
