Ok, this is possibly the longest "about" section in the entire internet, and marketing gurus would not approve of it for sure.
But I decided to share with you some of the most valuable and life-changing lessons I've learned which have shed a lot of light for so many people already and I hope will do the same for you.
These are 30 TRUTHS about me, my life, how I've failed and how I've grown which I naked-open for you.
Some of the truths will be quirky, some intimate. To some you will relate, at some you’ll laugh, some may be triggering and some you will judge.
Whatever it is, I want you to remember that any of these reactions will be a **projection of your own mind**. We can learn SO MUCH about ourselves just from how we react to others.
My aim is to inspire you with my stories and lessons and apply them in your life, business, career, relationships.
And hopefully, they will serve you as the green light to desire more from your life and the courage to take the steps towards it.
If you’re up for authenticity splurge, keep scrolling & reading.
If not, share it with those who you know will benefit from it ;)
FEEL FREE TO PICK WHAT POKES YOUR INTEREST OR GULP IT ALL IN ONE GO ;)
[EXPOSED 1/30] Trying to **prove** my self-worth.
[EXPOSE DAY 2/30] People pleasing
[EXPOSED 3/30] Making a scary decision
[EXPOSED 4/30] You can be an uber-achiever AND have emotions
[EXPOSED 6/30] Productivity hacks vs inner work
[EXPOSED 7/30] Sometimes to lose weight you need to relearn how you tie your laces...
[EXPOSED 1/30] Trying to **prove** my self-worth.
A bit of my life story:
Born in Latvia [effectively in the Soviet Union at the time]. By blood Belarus, by birth Latvian, by language Russian, and lived in the UK (and now the US) for the largest part of my adulthood. I kinda never felt like I belonged to any particular culture…
The way you grow up, the different iterations of you, all the experiences, emotions, thoughts, people in your life - all that compounds into your system and shapes your #identity.
For a larger part of my life, I had this unconscious need to prove myself. More certifications, long hours, comparison loop.
I wanted to be SEEN as more than an immigrant who came to earn a living.
I was so certain that through my achievements I was going to change and expand that identity of mine.
Of course, all the qualifications, fast promotions and pay rises changed me. I got more confident, proud and it seemed like I was ON IT
....on the outside...
On the inside, the “small” Irina was still overthinking, doubting herself and looking for validation.
My subconscious stored the same thinking patterns.
My nervous system had the same reactions to the ‘familiar cues’.
My emotional response remained the same.
The more ‘success’, the more responsibility you take - the harder it becomes for your ‘old identity’ to sustain it.
Result? The so much familiar stress… anxiety… emotional eating… burnout… lack of spark… low libido… you name it.
And here’s the LESSON I wish I INTERNALISED sooner.
Who you are isn’t determined by your achievements.
Rather, your achievements are determined by who you are.
Your success* is built upon your identity. [*Success in a holistic way -> not just career, business, money. But also all that life goodness that gives you genuine satisfaction & fulfilment.]
Things changed when I started focusing on the internal work FIRST (the INVISIBLE work) - New experiences, different people, bigger opportunities...
Which, frankly, were always there, I was just blind to it as I didn't see myself in that.
#Nobragging ;), but here I am - living in beautiful San francisco, travelling the world for at least 2 months a year, running my business helping other high-achievers do exactly that same internal work to start matching the reality with what they truly deserve.
~~~
Shifting your identity isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about amplifying who you already are under all the shadows of your past iterations.
I’m still Irina from small Latvia. I’m not perfect. I’m never going to be perfect. The old shadows are still showing up. And that's ok. I know there’s so much more to grow into and I'm so excited about what's coming!
So my reminder to you - stop looking out for the external evidence to prove your greatness. You're born with it.
What you want in life is already there. Making yourself available for it starts with turning inwards.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 2/30] #peoplepleasing is like snacking. You know it ain’t good for you, but when it’s right in front of you, your resistance melts like butter on a hot toast.
Here's how it was showing up for me:
-saying 'yes' to things I didn’t want just not to disappoint SOMEONE.
-nodding to THEIR point of view to avoid conflict.
-getting swirled in a thought vortex like “what if THEY won’t like me/ think I’m a horrible person or something else that I’m not”.
-making choices based on what THEY think vs what I want.
Until I realised that so much focus on THEM had numbed my basic natural human ability to know what **I** wanted.
It was putting a big dark shadow on WHO I was.
If this sounds familiar, congrats & welcome to being a human ;)
Where does it come from?
It often starts when you hardly reach the elevator button.
Children are usually praised for doing what their parents are asking or expecting from them and get punished when not.
This is essentially how we learn to win #acceptance and #connection - by adapting to the standards and expectations of others.
So firstly, if you find yourself p-pleasing, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or lacking character. It simply means you’ve got a human brain ;)
~~~
Even though it generally has a negative connotation, there’s a flip side to it. The side which actually serves your success - as it did for me:
- I easily recognise the needs of others (sometimes better than they do themselves) and communicate with them from that place. It creates rapport and safety.
- I integrate and adapt easily in different groups.
- I don’t get into unnecessary conflicts. (more on that in another post)And here’s the trick.
This positive side of the coin was exactly why I unconsciously was holding on to that pleaser identity. They were linked and bonded. Until I recognised they weren’t supposed to be anymore.
~~~
You've got to recognise those "hidden benefits" and ungroup. Find the fine balance and not cross the line.
Feel your feels carefully and listen to your gut. It will tell you when you’re going against your will. (don’t confuse it with the discomfort of saying ‘no’ in the beginning. It won’t be that easy and will pay off greatly)
**Your #leadership elevates when you can #communicate your needs and #priorities to others with #confidence and ease.
**PS. When you want to tap into your full power and elevate your success, being sunk in a hassle or #burnedout are your worst enemies. The place to start the change isn’t a new morning routine or productivity tips. The best place to start is tuning into yourself.
I coach my clients on how to do exactly that so they create a permanent change. Because learning how to do it will unlock your full powers and the doors to success that’s fulfilling.
[EXPOSED 3/30] Making a scary decision
My #resignation email was on his laptop screen. His sarcastic grin and small murky eyes were covering me with layers of cement. The only part of me that was still moving was my racing heart.
“So you’re going travelling, huh? And then what?”
If in that moment I could take a sneak peek a few months into the #future, I’d grinned back and walked out with my head high.
But I had no idea how it was going to play out.
I had no evidence this was the right decision.
Desire and fear were sparring like MMA fighters.
My head and my gut couldn’t come to terms.
Here’s the thing…
There’s never absolute 100% #certainty in any #decision you make.
There’s always at least a tiny pinch of #risk as to how it’s going to roll out.
My uncertainty wasn’t tiny. It was screaming VERY loud.
It was wobbling my already fragile #confidence and any “then what?” was like a scratch on an open wound. Hurtful and scary.
Frankly, I didn’t know whether I should’ve felt #brave or #stupid about my decision.
But there I was. Did it anyway. Stepped in and kept walking.
And never did I look back.
===
It’s been many moons ago, but it taught me a grand #lesson to #trust my #vision, my #priorities and make decisions for MYSELF.
Including moving countries, changing #jobs, taking the 360 #career turn and making big #investments in my #growth.
Don’t expect *them* to understand what you’re up to. They don’t have your brain. They don’t feel your gut. They can’t see the world through your eyes.
You’ve got to trust yourself and believe without seeing the evidence.
The most powerful decisions are made without prior #evidence.
Without waiting for #permission from others.
Without looking at what everyone else is doing.
Perhaps, they’re waiting for someone to make the first move and give them that permission. It can be you.
So the most supportive thing you can ever do is to surround yourself with people who #inspire you, #believe in you, see the #potential in you that you don’t yet see yourself, and support you in pulling it out on the surface.
We make #leaps when we TAKE leaps.
Back to top ⤴
[EXPOSED 4/30] You can be an uber-achiever AND have emotions (whaaat?!).
It’s ok to be a top-notch professional AND giggle at silly jokes with your girlfriends.
It’s ok to be an expert in #strategies or #numbers AND be #spiritual and listen to intuition.
It’s ok to “have it all” AND want more.
It’s ok to be a #leader AND make #mistakes.
It’s ok to be #confident AND ask for help.
It’s ok to be on cloud 9 in one moment AND drop the balls in the next.
Norms are made up.
You can hold dualities. It’s not a lack of character or weakness.
Allowing yourself to be the full spectrum takes you much further.
I paid a lot of time, money and effort to learn this. Take this for free ;)
And here’s the question for you to think on:
Who were you before they told you who you were supposed to be?
